This
guy plays a New Years Eve gig and afterward the club owner
says "Great job, can you play again next year?"
The
accordionist replies, "Sure, can I leave my instrument
here until then?"
The
difference between an onion and accordion?
People
cry when they chop up onions.
What
did people say when the ship loaded with accordions sank in
the ocean?
Well,
it's a start.
What's
the difference between an accordion and a cat?
Only
the cost, they both make the same kinds of sounds when you
squeeze them.
The
song most requested of accordionists?
Can
you play Far, Far Away.
How
do you make two accordionists play in time?
Shoot
one of them.
What's
the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
You
take your shoes off before you jump up and down on a trampoline.
What
do a true music lover and an accordionist have in common?
Absolutely
nothing.
If
you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story
building, which one lands first and which way up do they land?
Who
cares?
What
is the definition of a gentleman?
Somebody
who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
What
is a bassoon good for?
Kindling
for an accordion fire.
What
is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The
Uzi stops after 20 rounds.
What
is an accordion good for?
Learning
how to fold a map.
What
do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies
in Pain.
What
do you call an accordion player with a pager?
An
optimist.
What
is the range of an accordion?
Twenty
yards if you've got a good arm!
What
is the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
Terrorists
have sympathisers.
How
do you get an accordionist to play in time?
Get
them to play by themselves.
Why
do some people automatically hate accordionists?
It
saves a lot of time.
Why
do Accordionists make good politicians?
They
are used to playing both ends off against the middle.
What
does a long court hearing and a bad accordionist have in common?
There
is always a huge sigh of relief when the case is closed.
How
can you spot a bad accordionist?
The
lead singer can tell he is playing wrong notes.
How
many accordions can you fit in a telephone box?
101
if you chop them fine enough.
What
is the difference between an accordionist walking down the road
with his accordion, and a goldfish swimming down the gutter
with a banjo on his back?
The
Goldfish has got a gig to go to.
What
is the definition of perfect pitch?
Closing
your eyes, turning your back and throwing an accordion into
the bin without touching the sides.
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